I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
