I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
