I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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