Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
