So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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