when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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