so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
