We got so high we made milksteak
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
