I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
