I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
