John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
