Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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