Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
