He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
