I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's never too late to be topless.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
