my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
