that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
