They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
