At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
