I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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