I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize