I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize