I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
