I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
