You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm going to jail i love you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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