Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
