Screwed.edu
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
