yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
