I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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