Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
