I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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