Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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