i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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