so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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