The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
