Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
