I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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