So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
