The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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