so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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