Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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