U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
