My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
As shirtless as possible
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
