he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
