Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
