Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
