I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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