do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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