Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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