there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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