I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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