If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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