Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
