Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
