May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
