Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
