Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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