I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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