I'm so fucking centered right now
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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