Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
