I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Where is the hickey?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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