I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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