my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
