Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
