Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize