I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
