Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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