or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
