yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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