She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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