he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
