I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just cut my nipple shaving
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
